So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
