My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
