You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
