I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize