WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
