State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
