I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
