a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
