oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize