Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
