My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
