so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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