Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
