My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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