so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize