im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
