I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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