Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
