My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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