I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
