omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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