A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
