The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
