There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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