just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
oh god the rape fog is back!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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