he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
