It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
