wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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