tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize