i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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