Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
