we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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