so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
