Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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