True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
my poor anus
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize