I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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