I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
