Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize