he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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