Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
