Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
