dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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