weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just pee around me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
