A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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