I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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