i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
