Girls should come with a carfax report
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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