wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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