I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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