I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
