just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
