All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize