my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
