Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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