we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
