This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize