I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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