i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize