Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
