My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
