he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You've changed since you got that strap on
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
