I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
