It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
