i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
