is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
