Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
