I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
