Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize