I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
