HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
