Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
