My brain says no but my pants say off.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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