Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
