I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
