508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize