I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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