i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
