I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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