There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
