He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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