Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
