This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
not ubering you a puppy
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
