I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
