She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
