I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
