i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
