I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
