So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
