If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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