I understand Curling. That high.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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