i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
