if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
