Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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