hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
