Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
