I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
