Plan B is the new Plan A
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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