i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
