Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
