Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
