i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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