yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
