I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
