The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
