I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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