Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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