I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
